Full Capacity

Let’s get real about shame. How often do you shame yourself for not living up to your standards? Every day? Every hour? Every five minutes? I’m not talking about a full-on negative self-talk session where you sulk and lecture yourself for an extended period of time.

I’m talking about the little moments of ‘why can’t?’.  You get up from a chair and reflexively think, “Damn hip. Why can’t you cooperate?” The small moments of ‘I should’. You pass the perpetual clutter on your counter and think, “I should be better at daily organizing.” Or the flash moments of ‘I’ve got to’. You glance at pictures on your wall and feel a twinge of guilt as you think, “I’ve got to carve more time out for my extended family.” And the grand daddy of them all, the ‘I wish’ moments.  I wish I was thinner. I wish I had more energy. I wish I could earn more money. I wish I was more generous.  I wish, I wish, I wish.

As I type that word over and over, it becomes one of those nonsense words that loses its meaning.  But it really doesn’t matter. Regardless of the meaning, the energy of all of those words or thoughts boils down to the same low vibration of lack. Deficient, insufficient, less than.

Stop! Let’s return to the third tenet of growing and evolving alongside radical self-acceptance (again, sticking with the rose bush metaphor).

When it’s not tended to, it doesn’t shame itself for becoming overgrown, thorny, and lackluster. It’s confident in knowing that it retains full capacity to return to a balanced, dynamic thing of beauty when it’s properly cared for.

What this means is that the only lack or deficiency present is proper care. Bring to mind any plant that isn’t watered properly or is planted in dead soil. The plant itself is not at ‘fault’ for not thriving. It absolutely comprises everything it needs to thrive. Nothing needs to be changed within the plant. Nothing needs to be added to or taken away from its innate structure. Its existence is ENOUGH. But it’s the maintenance and nourishment that either allows the plant to bloom to its full vibrancy or be in a state of deterioration or anywhere in between. 

And the good news is…we’re not plants. (Ok, maybe that’s not good news - plants possess infinite wisdom and phenomenal ways of adaptation. They don’t get in their own way of surviving and thriving. They just quietly and majestically carry out their purpose, serving us in a myriad of ways along the way. Damn, plants are so cool. Maybe I want to be a plant in my next life!😄)

But what I’m getting at is that we’re not stationary and dependent on others for our care.  I understand this can be contested, but for now let’s just agree that we’re sovereign beings that have much agency over our own care. What we eat and drink. How we move. The organization of our environment. What we think, how we behave. Who we surround ourselves with. What we expose ourselves to. What we busy ourselves with. How we entertain ourselves. On and on.

So if you are feeling lackluster in some way, don’t waste your time shaming yourself for it. Simply look at how you’re being cared for. Honestly assess where changes can be made. And we’re coming full circle here - the best place to start is with self-awareness and self-acceptance. Know who you are, accept who you are, and now care for who you are in the unique way you need cared for. This is what brings forward flourishing.

And by the way - you don’t have to do it alone. Ask for help. Take the time. Spend the money. Do the research. Take the action.

Just like every seed - you hold the capacity to beautifully, vibrantly serve your purpose. Shame holds no purpose in that process.

Peruse my services here on the website. See if any call out to as a way to care for yourself. FYI - I don't write these blogs as a way to sell my services. I write them mainly as a creative outlet for myself. But I share them out of compassion and a desire to connect with others. Wouldn't it be strange if my services didn't support what I express in these posts?😉